Willingness to Learn and Love By Margaret Jonte
 
Why me? What am I doing here? I asked myself these questions over and over again as I sat in the initial planning meeting for OneByOne. I thought I had no reason to be involved except that I had been invited and willing to come.

I had been raised Methodist and Christian Science, an odd, if not impossible, combination. My parents took turns attending each other's churches. One Sunday, our family would go to the Methodist church and my father would say nothing and simply endure the service. The next Sunday we would go to father’s church and mother would silently endure. At home, there was no discussion, no exclusivity; therefore, no conflict. With little parental instruction and never feeling as though I belonged, I made my own decisions about truth. The cross and its message was too messy, and I saw no point in it. In line with Christian Science thought, I decided that all things are good and all things lead to God. We just have to find the right way.

One of my close friends during this time was a man who was like a brother to me. We were always together, sharing many interests. We encouraged and supported each other in our quest to find the perfect mate. He was homosexual, and I was heterosexual. His life was one of the reasons I began to question my own philosophy. I watched him struggle to achieve happiness, only to experience great pain. I was troubled by what I observed in his life. I accepted him as a gay man, yet homosexuality did not seem to bring him peace or fulfillment. His relationships always seemed to begin with such promise but never provided him any lasting comfort; not even fond memories.

By the time I was in my late twenties, my life philosophy came crashing down around me. I surrendered my life to God in desperation. I was sure I wouldn’t be happy as a Christian, but at least I’d have some peace and freedom from guilt, shame and loneliness.

My "born again" experience was a slow day-by-day process. During this time, God graciously provided companionship for me through a man named Bill. We were both employed at the same company and had known each other for a few years. Through my relationship with Bill, I discovered that being a Christian is not boring, conventional or routine.

Bill and I soon married and started our own family. As I experienced the joy of following Christ and raising a Christian family, I longed for my homosexual friend to find that same joy and peace. I prayed daily for him without comfort. I began to wonder, "Does God heal homosexuals?" Within a month, I prayed the prayer that led me to the gathering for the development of OneByOne. "Lord if there is anything I can do, I’ll do it." God took me at my word and led me to a PCUSA conference exploring healing of homosexuality. That conference had a profound impact on my life. I learned that God truly does care about the agony and pain of my friend, as well as other homosexual men and women. I met many people who once struggled with homosexuality, but had experienced the transforming work of Christ in their lives. Through that conference, God birthed in me hope and compassion for individuals with a homosexual condition. Soon after, I was invited to attend a meeting in Louisville in order to discuss how to educate our denomination on issues of sexuality.

As I sat waiting my turn to tell my story at that original planning meeting, I wondered what I would say. Nearly everyone else in attendance had either come out of homosexuality or were involved in ministry to people who experienced sexual brokenness. Many were PCUSA pastors and leaders. I was just a housewife. What could I contribute to this new national ministry? But, as I listened to story after story, I realized that the common thread running through their stories was not homosexuality, but rather the struggle and search for identity. I knew this struggle very well.

Since the inception of OneByOne, I’ve sought to understand more about homosexuality and sexual brokenness. God has continued to bring people into my life who struggle with these issues. I’ve had the privilege of being their friend, their encourager, their prayer support. Most recently, I’ve begun attending a local Living Waters program. Living Waters is a non-denominational ministry to men and women experiencing sexual conflict, particularly homosexuality. As a participant I’ve submitted to God’s dealing and healing in my own life first, that I may then help others more effectively. I eagerly anticipate God using this training to help me bring hope and compassion to those struggling with homosexuality.

Mrs. Jonte is a member of Roanoke Presbyterian Church in Kansas City, MO.